Topic Three
I’m worried about the relationship with my boyfriend/girlfriend and don’t know what to do!
What will I learn?
In these learning sessions, you’ll learn answers to these the big question:
-
- What is abuse?
- What does it look like?
What is most important to remember is, it is never your fault.
Abuse can happen in many different ways and in lots of different relationships (e.g. between two friends, between family members, in intimate relationships).
Take a look at the types of abuse:
1. Emotional
You may not think you are being abused if the abuse is not physical. But emotional abuse can have a long-lasting and serious effect on you.
It can include things like:
1. Constantly criticising you or putting you down.
2. Controlling you (making you feel bad for going out with your friends, or saying bad things about them so you start to question your friendships).
3. Checking up on you all of the time (snooping through your messages or emails and questioning your social media posts).
2. Physical
The person abusing you may hurt you in many ways.
Physical abuse can happen if you are being:
1. Deliberately injured.
2. Spat on.
3. Attacked or assaulted.
4. Pushed.
5. Punched.
6. Slapped.
6. Beaten.
3. Sexual
Sexual abuse happens when someone forces you to have sexual contact against your will.
It can include being:
1. Raped.
2. Touched inappropriately.
3. Forced to strip or give sexual favours (like oral sex).
4. Made to watch porn against your will.
Even in a relationship, these things can happen. If you feel pressured into doing anything sexual, this is abuse.
4. Online
Online abuse can include making nasty comments or being bullied in an online environment.
Online abuse within a relationship includes threatening to post personal pictures or private information about you.
You may have sent an intimate picture to someone you thought you could trust and expected them to keep it private. You never thought they would threaten to post it online. This is abuse.
The Law
As of 2021, the Irish government is about to pass a law which will be called Coco's Law.
The new law will make it illegal to share “intimate images” online or through social media without the consent of the person in the image.
The sharing of such images will be a criminal offence regardless of the motivation of the person who passes them on.
5. Financial
This is about controlling someone’s finances. .
You might be too young to share your money or bank accounts, but it’s important to be aware that financial abuse can happen.
This happens when someone withholds money from you or stops you going to work to earn your own money.
The person is able to have more control over you if they can control your money. This is abuse.
Source: This content has been adapted from the HSE ‘Domestic violence and abuse(opens in a new tab)’.
https://www2.hse.ie/mental-health/#emotional
If you are under 18, talk to a trusted adult in your life who can help and support you. This could be a teacher, family members, social worker, youth worker, sports coach, a helpline etc...
If you are over the age of 18, you can get advice and assistance from local support agencies such as:
• Adapt Services: Limerick. Tel: 1800 200 504.
• Clare Haven Services: Clare. Tel: (065) 6822435.
Relationships and sex for teenagers:
Consent explained:
Say ‘no’ to sex::
Differences between porn and real life sex:
You do deserve more and to be treated with respect.
Explain to them why you want to end the friendship or relationship and ask them to respect your decision.
Here are some further tips:
- 1. Try to have the strength and confidence to stick with your decision.
- 2. Stop making excuses for bad behaviour.
- 3. Fill the void with positive, healthy interests and activities.
- 4. Avoid the temptation to follow what they are doing on social media or respond to social media posts.
- 5. If you have mutual friends, it may be difficult, but make sure the group understand why you need to do what you are doing and respect your boundaries.
- 6. Don’t feed the drama! You may need to distance yourself from where they are for a while if you can.
Find out more on how to End a relationship
Sunshine - Don't Confuse Love & Abuse
Everything you need to know about coercive control
Website:
